Deonthenotsomighty

Recently, i have been thinking about the past.
Many times, things are so blur, so vague.
I hardly know what was i doing back then.

I duno what the past has done to me.
But it has  left a shadow in me.
I tell people jokingly,
how i felt of my past.
i wasnt laughing inside.

i never did anymore,
not really.

I feel like time has stop on me.
Everyday feels the same.
Same faces, same emotions.
Same route, same voices.
I don’t know where i am going.

i always hope no 1 sees me on the street.
NO ONE.

It feels terrible not feeling anything.

A laugh is not a laugh, a joke is not a joke.
even the sorrows seems unreal.

It suddenly remember this piece of art Jun Da has done back in poly days when i listen to jay chou, “”夜曲“.
It was a drawn-out lyrics.

Enjoy, and be awwed by my talented friend.
(Listen to the song and see the lyrics, I swear it rhymes)
Lol.

夜曲

A big big HI to anyone who bumps into my blog as and when to see if I EVER update.
Btw…though I wanted this to be an updating post…I have decided that I will talk about somthing more serious.

For those people who know I had this skin problem call ENZEMA but hasnt seen it on my face before, this post will be totally on this topic.

I believe many friends of mine had already know that I have skin problem and have to be on constant dosage of this “cream” from this particular doctor.
I had always believe that the cream  is like the magic I found in life (SERIOUSLY), as enzema is a skin problem that is known to have no cure. So I thought I was the lucky 1 that I found a prescription that is able to put my enzema under control.  So throughout the past 4years, my life my face my skin has NEVER left the constant dosage of the “Magic Cream”.
I have to admit, I was never too concern what it really was, although the doctor advice me to cut down on dosage, because the flaking and allegy will come back 2 days after i stop the magic.

I had just finished by last dosage on Sunday and to my “horror”, doctor is out of town.
In normal cases, I will wait for him to come back, to get my dosage of the magic.
But this weekend will be rather packed with family and friends outtings, therefore..I decided to seek another doctor’s help..another doctor near my house. I really really CANNOT tahan the itch anymore.

I brought my magic’s empty case there, hoping he had the similar kinda cream….

And guess what my magic turns out to be????

STEROID.

A mixture of a SUPER DUPER strong steroid cream and the MILDEST steroid cream.

This is real HORROR to me.

I was never s1 who knows alot about medicinal information, but I DO know that steroid is not advisable for long term dosage, be it taken internally or applied externally.
My “doctor” has never told me what it was or even mention that it was steroid.

Cause of my long term dosage of steroid, my skin is in a very bad state that i always didnt want to admit. Below are all the side effects that HAS ALREADY happen on my skin.

Tachyphylaxis
Tachyphylaxis is the tolerance the skin develops to the vasoconstrictive action of topical steroids. After repeated use of topical steroids, the capillaries in the skin do not constrict as well, requiring higher doses or more frequent application of the steroid. With high-potency steroids this effect has been documented after 4 days of applying a topical steroid three times a day. The ability of the blood vessels to constrict returns 4 days after stopping therapy. (I am on dosage for 4 years alr.can you imagine?!)

Steroid rosacea
This is a side effect commonly observed in fair-skinned people who already have rosacea. A typical example occurs when a person uses a very mild steroid on the face to counteract the facial flushing. This gives pleasing results, but tolerance develops, causing the person to use a higher strength steroid. At this point any attempt to cut down on the steroid application or stop altogether cause intense facial redness and pustules.

Skin Atrophy
Repeated use of topical steroids in the same area can cause thinning of the epidermis and changes in the connective tissue of the dermis. The skin becomes lax, wrinkled, and shiny. Affected areas can be depressed below the level of normal skin with visible telangiectasias, hypopigmentation, and prominence of underlying veins. In most cases the atrophy is reversible once topical steroid use is stopped, but it may take months for the skin to “thicken” back up.

Others mention by this NEW doctor are pigmentation etc….

This is a nightmare, and now I really hope I can do something to “SAVE” my skin.
Below are pictures of my complexion just weeks before(when I was still using the steroid cream..and now after 3 days without the steroid cream)

I know this is very unglam and ugly(like skin advert right)…but I REALLY hope to remind people
of the harmful side effects of steroid, and do ask CLEARLY the type of  prescription and cream doctors prescripe. (Even when my skin was “smooth”, the blood vessels are clearly visible, caused by thinning of the skin)

Now I do hope my this current medication will be able to save my skin.

=(((

Lesson learnt.

Been back to work for 3 weeks alr,
Still as tiring, don’t know did i make the right choice anot…
ahhh…dun wan to think anymore,

The happiest thing a tat happen to me recently, is to be able to see my sec 1 classmates all over again…
knowing each other is doing good…
knowing the past is long gone…
knowing we have all grown up…
knowing that we have not forgotten each other…
Next week is Xiu hao’s  birthday..we are seeing each other again!!!

I miss 1 Endurance…although it wasnt all good for me back then…but..
I am glad I met the few, that totally change my life…

I realise that the 21st birthday of many brought us back together…it really makes me want to have a party too..so I will see all of them again…on my birthday =))

For those who didn’t know… 

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=)

To people who feel ridiculous over me going back to my previous job…
Rest assure,
It is not going to be the same again.
As in,
me, myself.

I am back to prove my worth,
if I have proven my worth,
and not rewarded as per what they promise,
I will say good bye when with a

very promising portfolio…

and find my worth elsewhere.
So, don’t worry..i am back here to continue where I stop,
so at least, the next time I leave,
I am well assured I can fetch a much better pay out there.
Very simple.
=)

I finally got to see my dear goofy yesterday after he book out!
And…I finally can pass him the present!!
heehee!!
Here’s the surprise I had for him..

I did a vector of our picture!! I had it printed in A3 size and got it framed up..
heee…hope he love this gift I made for him.
Hope he can find a place to hang it or put it..
=)
He then brought me out for meatballs at ikea!!
haha..my FAVOURITE!! *salivating still when I think of it*
And he got me this as a Vday gift!

I really love this picture of the tulips and has been paying extra attention to it everytime i go ikea..I am really happy!!
I mention to him once:
“I love tulips, but they die so fast and you can’t keep them forever…”
I think he notice it and got me this as a present!
He wrote me a letter also..and I am so touched by his words…
made me want to cry when I read the letter..

Although we didnt have the best food…expensive gifts…I was very happy…cause we finally got to spend time with each other after a week of each other’s absence…
even when it is only a normal day spend..
=)

but….
My poor Mr goofy is sick today..too heaty…cough, flu, fever, sore throat….
Hope he has a good rest at home today and get better tmr.
Wanted to visit him today…but I feel it is better not to disturb his rest…
Tmr after work will go visit my dear goofy..
Get well soon my dear…hugs**
=( 

♥

I feel I am a very fortunate girl.

♥
This year’s Valentine, my goofy is out in the forest spending with a bunch of guys playing with guns and mud and sand.
And me? at home eat air.

But…
Although we can’t meet…
I’ve prepared a little something for him for this special occasion..(belated though)
Hope he will love it…
I hope he didnt expect it…
=)

For this special day, I would like to say..
I love you my dear…

♥

Today 14thFeb will be the last day of my ”holiday”…quite sad cause duno when will have this kind of time again.
But well, this break had given me time to clear my thoughts and also allow me to spend times that I wanted so much with my love ones, my friends, family and my darling.

It felt like a dream somehow…and it is going to end soon.
I used to be very reluctant when my mum ask me to go market with her…but during this break I have been bugging her to bring me out..haha..I really wanted to spend more time with her. 

Last week Richard had a 1 week leave, and we spend almost everyday together. That’s going to be the first and last time we will be spending so much time together..quite sad though…but time really help to work things out. Last week really left a very impt mark in our RS. We had learn to compromise each other, we had less stress..more patience. And we are communicating well!! I am really really happy! I really hope it was one month and not 1 week =(.
And my poor thing is out for field camp on valentine’s day…SAD.
Our first valentine and he is not here…=(((
But is okay..I am not done with his present yet…I am going to Ikea when I wake up today..heehee
I hope he will like my present for him =)))

All I hope when I go back is, things has improved..I don’t want to go home so late like last time again..hope it is not back to the same old Mo-X.

Btw, For those who didnt know, I cut my hair real short!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERYONE!!